Below are the first 6 ‘Quick Start Topics’ from my first book Communicating Like A Boss, I thought I would give you a bit of a feel for what the book is about.
I hope you like what you read, if so, check out the full book….
Quick Start Topic #1: Define Your Focus
Before you go any further into this program, you need to get clear on what you want out of it.
The life wheel below will help you identify which part of you life you should focus on. The outside of the week represents ‘Perfect’, no action required, you are so happy with it, and nothing needs to change. The centre of the wheel represents dissatisfaction, issues, and need’s attention, and not happy at all. For each area of life mark between 10 (perfect) & 1 (needs attention), or where ever in between, until you have completed the circle.
Once you have done that, connect the dots, between each area, giving you your wheel of life.
Now that you have completed your wheel, it should be obvious, which area you should focus on, the area with the lowest score (closest to the centre). This is the area of your life, you should be using this program to focus on
Quick Start Topic #2: Set Your Goals for this Program
You should now have the area of your life that you will be focusing on, if you don’t, go back and complete Quick Start Topic #1.
I want you to get the most out of this program, so starting it with the end in mind is important. Having goals set from the beginning, will help ensure your success.
It has been said that our mindset will influence the outcome of our endeavours, so if you start this program with ‘we will see’ expectations, you will get ‘we will see’ results.
So it is time for you to set your goal for this program, it should be a massive outcome, life changing outcome, something so big, that if you got it, it would make this the most valuable program you have ever completed.
So write out now, what you are going to get from completing this program, how is your life going to change for the better, what new skills you will have, what new position will you be in, what new opportunities will you have.
As you write out your goals for this program, consider checking the goal for the following:
- Is your goal written in the positive
- Have you focused on what you want, not on what you don’t want
- Include, how you will know you have gotten what you want
- What will you now have, as a result of getting your goal
- Write it, as if it has already happened, as if you already have what you want
- Include language that relates to you taking action, each day, to get what you want
Once your goal has been written, make sure it is some where you can read over it, if you are loosing motivation. Tell people about what you are doing, and what your goals are, so you become accountable to your word, and to them.
You might also choose to share your goal in the closed Facebook group, so you can get support along the way.
Once you have completed writing out your goals, start the next Quick Start Topic: Physiology and psychology of Success. This is your first ‘concept’ to wrap your mind around.
Quick Start Topic #3: Physiology and Psychology of Success
One of the quickest ways to experience success is to ‘act as if’ you have the success you desire, right now. This strategy is all about mindset, it is about your behaviour, it is about ‘pretending’ you have what you want, right now.
Starting with your physiology, right now, for today, and every day after, you need to stand, walk and carrier your self as if you are at #10 on the life wheel.
This means standing with confidence, walking with confidence, talking with confidence, pretending you are confident, pretending you have the job already, pretending you are the next in line for promotion, and that you deserve what it is you want.
This process can be a bit of a ‘leap of faith’ style for some, but the results will be measurable, and like affirmations, your physiology of success will start to shift you mindset, it will shift you into believing it is true.
The second part to this is your psychology, this means thinking about your goal, writing out the positive things you want, focusing on the belief that you can do this, you do deserve it, you are going to get it, you are on the way to success, that you are successful. You should be focusing on what you do want, not on what you don’t want, your self talk should be on positive things, not negative.
If need be, this is where you might like to write out the things you say to your self, reading through that self talk, and eliminating anything that is negative, and replacing it with positive self talk.
So your activity for today is to walk tall, speak with confidence, believe in your self, and act as if you have already got your goal.
Have fun, ask for help if you need it, but most of all play at 100%, then the only option will be success.
Quick Start Topic #4: Cause & Effect
The second ‘concept’ I would like to introduce you to the idea of cause and effect.
This is a simple equation, represented by, C>E.
As you travel along the personal development path, you may find your self researching or reading about successful people. One of the things I am sure you will discover is, the positive mind set of the successful, and you are also going to find out that they spend most of their time ‘at cause’ of their situation. They take responsibility for what happens in their life, weather it is true or not, as it gives them the choice to change it, if they created it.
All of us spend time on both sides of the equation, but the goal should be to spend as much time as possible on the cause side of the equation.
Have a read through the following statements, to get a good idea of what the difference is between cause and effect thinking:
- My manager is the reason I don’t get a promotion
- The global financial crisis is the reason I have not succeeded in business
- I can’t be fit because of a sport injury from 10 years ago
- I am the reason I got fired, I was lazy and unfocused
- I did not get the job I applied for, I need to develop my skill set so I am more employable
- I missed the game winning goal, I will train harder in the pre-season
Spend some time thinking about people you talk to in your spear of influence, think of the posts on Facebook, the comments people make at work. How many of them are at effect, or at cause?
People that are at effect are the people complaining about their situation, they will give you all the best reasons and excuses, why they cannot have what they want.
In contrast to a person that is at cause will take responsibility for everything that happens to them, they believe they create their situation, and they chose what has happened to them.
So consider this, are you at effect? If so, ask your self, how did I choose this, how did I create this? Start the transition to cause of your situation, as once you truly do this, you will then have the option to un-choose it, to un-decide it.
Make a list now of all the things you have been at effect of, and what you are now going to do to take control of them, and be at cause of.
Quick Start Topic #5: Perception is Projection
This is the second last quick start topic, and it is another concept you can use to identify your weaknesses and strengths.
There is a very quick way to discover your strengths and weaknesses; however it will require another leap of fait, some behavioural flexibility, and an open mind.
Take out your pen and paper, and get ready to write out two lists. List one will be a list of characteristics, behaviours, and ideas that people you know have, that you disagree with. Things in people you know that you don’t like, things that people do that bug you, all the things they do, that you think are wrong.
Once you have completed this list, do the some for people you do like. Write out the best traits of your closest friends, your best manager, and the greatest people you know.
What you will be left with is two very different lists, lots bad, and I am guessing, a few less good things.
The concept of perception is projections, is that we project our ideas, beliefs, and behaviours onto others. We ‘project’ what we like and dislike about ourselves onto others.
Now if you completed the quick start topic of C>E, I hope you can continue being at cause for this next question.
Pretend perception is projection is true, look over your two lists as if it is about you, and what you now have are all your strengths and weakness. What you can choose to do with this list is to continue to build on your strengths, and work on any weaknesses you really want to improve.
Personally, I don’t always like the results of this activity, as it can be very confronting, hard to believe, and total bullshit, because ‘I am not like that’ thinking comes up.
If you do take a moment to think back on your life, I am sure you will be able to find you have done the things you like and dislike, to varying levels.
Quick Start Topic #6: Communication Behaviour Model
This is the final concept I will ask you to consider, it is the communication and behaviour model, taught in NLP. It is designed to show you how communication is occurring, what is happening when you are talking to people, and when you are listening to people.
When we are having a conversation, or some other event out side of us happens, we create an internal representation of what we have seen or heard.
Our perspective of what happened is processed through our internal filters, which will create an emotional state; this emotional state will affect our physiology and behaviour.
I want you to realise that we are in control of how we process this information coming in; we are capable of changing our states.
We take information in, in the form of sounds, pictures, self talk and feelings, our 5 senses are process everything that we experience in the following way:
Auditory – voices or sounds – externally or heard internally (self talk)
Gustatory – flavours and tastes
Kinaesthetic – touch, sensation and emotions
Olfactory – scents and smells
Visual – vision and envision – what we see externally and what we picture in our minds
Along with our senses, we also process information with our internal filters. These are comprised of language, values, beliefs, decisions, and memories.
Language – words we hear are processed into pictures
Values and beliefs – how we judge actions as right or wrong and what we decide is true
Decisions – what we choose to believe and choices we have made
Memories – experiences we have had from the past
Based of all of these things, our minds will delete, distort, and generalise what we see and hear, moulding it to what we think we have seen or heard. This is why several people can witness one event, yet each person can have a different account of what actually happened.
Delete – the reason we delete information that comes in is, if we had to recall every detail of everything we ever saw, heard, tasted, touched and smelled we could go insane. Our brain filters for what is important and deletes extraneous information.
Distort – we place meaning on things that happen around us, even if it is not related, to try and make sense of what is happening. For example, thinking someone is angry because they have crossed their arms, when in fact they are just cold.
Generalise – we assign past experienced outcomes to future experiences, which can work well when learning, it can also work against us as it can create assumptions and stereo-types.
What I want you to get out of this is, that communication is complex, people are complex, and if you feel like you have not been heard, or something is not going the way you expect, if you are not getting your message across, it is because we are complex. It is that simple! If you want to understand more about these complexities, what to look for, more about values, beliefs, and how to change them, get in touch with me, and I can introduce you to some of the other programs I run.
For now, know that people are different, if communication does not go your way that’s ok.
Rock and Roll
PS. What’s the one thing you don’t do, that would cause the most positive change in your life?